why?

…but i so want a child,
so i questioned you, Dear God.
of all people, why chose me
to carry this burden, this misery.

Father,  Father, where art thou
when I’ve surpassed the test and made a vow?
this path i chose (i believe), leads to you
why turn your back when i badly need you?

i cried and cried and start to ask
nothing left to do but finish the task
my heart is in grief
for my soul is dead.
i lost hope seeing the light.
passing this tunnel, I’m losing will.
when the pain is eating me inside-out
how can you ask me not to doubt?