not this time

…but things aren’t as smooth
as i’ve planned
and the silence that
used to comfort me
is now making my
ears bleed with it’s
painful echoes.

i can just go back,
can’t i?
but i won’t..
not this time…

i’m tired of endless blurry
sick of all consuming
love affair…

bless those affairs
those lessons
without the need for
another shitty modules…

but i need to move on
need to find another path
without turning back…

morning comes…

morning comes
im still here…
wondering of what
could have been…
what ifs
and what should haves…

let me know-
no, erase that
don’t let me know
if you are feeling the same way.
it’ll only worsen
the agony i am feeling.

come here,
let’s have a walk…
no need for words
no need to talk…
just let me have you
near me…

it’s morning…
another day…
another sigh…

dress

let me wear that dress
again,

let the world see
how my heart bleed
how my heart bled so hard
that it stained every part
of the dress

i know i will never be
in the position
will never have the right
even to touch that dress
to feel the silky feeling
of having it around me.

i can only look
admire
and be jealous of all
other women
who are lucky enough to
feel it…
wear it…
be seen with it…

crossroad…

i’m in this battle of
knowing i own you
but cannot hold you
not even touch.

im in this tormenting
journey
of wanting to spend
every single minute
of exploring your paradise,
but feeling the minute
i’ll stay will mean
the striking of moonfire.

i want to hold you
but i fear of hurting you.
i want to hear how your
heart beat against mine.
i want to be able to sleep
having your arms around me…
but afraid of pulling you into
mine…

im in this crossroad
where all the signs
are twisted
the chill excites me
and at the same time
makes me wonder
how could i ever survive
the coldness…

i know i love you
but love
isn’t always enough…

sweet damnation

for three word wednesday , words are efficient, optimize, treacherous. as usual, i have this habit of changing the given words..

my dear inefficient heart
will you plunge to
unknown hell again
just to feel the
sweetest heaven
knowing it’s the fast lane
to your own damnation?

stepping just few mile
behind the intended line
optimizing the purpose
of self-destruct
enjoying the bittersweet
poison without thinking twice.

nevermind how treacherous
yourself is
nevermind how broken you were
before
nevermind the feeling of being
drained before…

ready to fall hard…
for the Nth time around?