tell me…

why must i cry?
you haven’t left us..
yet (?)

why am i hurt?
when i am aware of all the lies
and all the wasted trust?

you got me caught
in the middle of hating
and understanding,
yet the sun haven’t risen,
so how am i supposed to
start over?
when all that’s filling me
is darkness and fear and pain?

must have trusted and expected so much,
now, i am torn into pieces
and the only way of
starting to mend the broken pieces
is to leave outside your guidance
and start a day
knowing..
without expecting that
you’ll be around to clean up
everything I’ll be doing?

pain?
how can i tell you about all my pain,
when all you worry is
the success you’ll gain?

broken?
how can i be sure you’ll heal
when you are the very person
who placed me in this hell?

what happened to
being your sweetheart?
to being your gem?
what ever happened to
being the source of your
strength and the
reliever of your pain?

am i no longer part
of your now-perfect-world?
am i no longer the dawn
of your ever chilling world?

have you ever been worried
of knowing I’ll discover all the lies?
have you ever thought of
leaving our family behind?

can you expect me to
start again?
do you really see it coming,
I’ll be living a life..
without a father in it?

heart of stone

check shidi ’s page for one poem with the same title…

you made me who i am,
must i thank you?

you made me look
past beyond somebody’s eyes,
do i owe that to you?

you whispered words,
promises of salvation,
just make sure
i’ll stick to your path,
without empathy,
no touch of mercy,
after touching the fire,
you asked me to forget
the pain of the flame.
should i give thanks?

you molded me into
something inhuman,
you showed me
how can i stop being moved
by a tear or whimpering cry…

now, you turn to me,
question me,
asking me,
how can i stab you in the back?
when all you taught me
lead me to this path.

no more sensitive heart,
no more emotions for you,
you were such an excellent teacher,
so how come this student
surprised you?

no more blood, no more veins..
all you can feel
is the coldness of this thing.
this isn’t a heart,
this is just a part
where all those pain
has been transformed
as a tool to survive this game.

all dried up…

without a soul

damn this lips..
for asking too much..
curse this feeling
for wanting something
in return…

stop this nonsense…
take me back to
my self-made wonderland…
no one will bother to look
since everyone knows
i am no where to be found…

one by one..
piece by piece…
take out everything
that is making up
this heart
that never stops to bleed…

blind me…
bind me…
slowly, carefully
take this life..
so i can see,
then i would feel
the bittersweet journey
of living a life
without a soul..
just a body…
complying to this
infamous world…

these eyes…

eyes that could
have promised
endless heaven,
produce set of stares
as barren and as futile
as endless dessert,
when you are
dying of thirst…

disappointment’s killing
me faster than
the hopelessness
that’s visible in your eyes…

then you looked away…
i forgot to breath.

the air that’s
supposed to be filling me
choked me..
then suddenly
taken away
the moment you
stopped looking at me.

must i move these eyes
to the same direction
of yours?
will i be able
to see the same
future you are seeing?

i cannot really say,
but as of now,
all i ever want is
looking into your eyes
seeing my own soul,
while seeing you
recognizing your own…