blah blah blah

i’ve fought for you,

took your battle so

you wont be tired to face

the new day.

 

i’ve slept with pain

carrying your burden,

i’ve swallowed each heartaches

so you can smile.

 

i’ve succumb to each

stares, insults, and unbearable comments.

i have learned the art of numbness.

 

the pain i felt each day

is nothing compared to the pleasure

of knowing you are mine.

 

the blood i’ve shed

each moment i don’t see

the same man i love in you

turned into dust.

 

the silence i love

against the screams of your chaos

is a constant battle 

between my happiness

and yours.

 

you always win.

i have let you.

 

 am i still happy?

when did it matter?

 

at least let me try

to be happy…

without you.

 

 

 

papa

thank you.

may not be enough
how much i
am grateful.

for your patience
your tolerance.

your endurance.

a lil more please.

i am still hoping
you can rub some off me.

i love you.

i maybe a stubborn
and crazy daughter,

i may not like you
as often as i like.

i love you to pieces…

but you already know that.

 

i am

not supposed to
talk about you
and your choice of words.

i am
not supposed to
flich on how you
handle each
twist and turns.

i am
not allowed
to speak against
your circle of friends.

i am not
permitted to
say something on
how you live your life.

you said
you’re happy.

you said
no one has the right
to tell you
how you live your life.

you said
as long as
whatever you are
doing is making you happy,
everybody should
back off.

fine.

just let us
shake our heads
as we watch you
slowly ruin your
“happy” life.

 

hey

i am tired
of tyring to pretend
i can still stay.
for you.
for us.

i’ve spent more than
enough hours
thinking of reasons
(aside for you)
why i should stay.

you know
i wanna be with you.

but.
i’m no longer happy.

i am no longer
satisfied.

i wish i could
do something
to make me want
to wake up
and look forward
go in and out
of here again.

i wanna rest.

no erase that.

i want to quit…

allow me,
please?

 

bittersweet

your eyes
the usual window to your
restless soul.

your eyes
with its commanding stare
to make me bleed.

your eyes
that pleads guilty
as i fight back
with silence.

your eyes
pulls me closer
the same time
asking me to leave.

your arms
the feeling of security

the warmth
of your coldness

the gently way
of you choking me.

your lips
almost there.

speaking evil
whispering heaven.

your lips
confessing
cursing
regretting

how much you love me.

your promise
your words

empty.
nonsense.
tempting.

as much
as i enjoy swimming
to this ocean of
fire…

i need to wake up

to look for you.
to embrace you.
to listen.

to make myself
believe.

to make me numb
one more time.